eNepal

Shacking-up By Shiva Neupane (Melbourne)

Not to mention, the idea of living together before getting officially partnered-up, is many things to many people depending on their cultural and social-milieu the notion of shacking up or living together can be varied at large.

In recent days there have been widespread intriguing debates and robust discussions as to whether this ongoing trend -cohabitation, is meaningful to those people who want to live a life without getting married.

Every coin has its two sides and therefore the idea or perception of living together before being married, is largely debatable, irrefutably logic- loaded with moral -dilemmas.

There is a profound religious ideology that there should not be any adulterous relationship through the indulgence of sex before being married. It is therefore a moral- hazard in religious prospective to get laid or rooted and to even involve in other far remote sexual insinuations, innuendos and other sex associated kinky stuff with someone before being officially partnered-up.
The religious denomination sees this as a dead-wrong act because the sanctity of sex in marriage is a glorious truth that the couple are only morally conditioned to cherish the fruit of that sexual pleasure and fleshly- gratifying sensual-harvest. The married couple have only the emotional proprietorial rights for their bodies to gratifying their flesh with their reservoir of sexual and irresistible pool of desires.

Albeit, there is another school of thought on the part of society or people who believe in love rather than in religion. And this segment of people are more likely to be involved in getting cohabitated and live a life without any paper work and therefore these people do not want to bother or believe about marriage certificates or any kind of related papers from which the legal walls can’t be constructed to stop couple from splitting-up.
The faith lies in the mind and the love in the heart but not in the papers, with this in mind they do not bother about framing their relationships inside the legal wall.

This aforesaid views sound realistically mind intriguing and conscientiously impeccable. Indeed the marriage certificates do not necessarily give the true love and respect among people who believe in so. Marriage certificate is just like a paper- jail which can be burnt so easily when issue of this sort emerges; infidelity or say other kind of emotional and sexual misconducts that seem to have occurred prior to marriage. The marriage certificates do not guarantee the partners’ emotional and sentimental well-being.
With the coming of age, people are having magnitude of thoughts on making a decision to live a life in their own way. Especially modern people seem to have confused with the institution of marriage. They are reluctant to accept this old school thought. To marry someone is an old fashioned and out-dated social trend. We can take a look, this sounds quite a bit logical when having to see an unmarried homosexual couple who have been living in a civil union in a most successful, respectful and tranquil ways.

However people might again have another counter-argument in this regards, that the married couple essentially have a biological principle to make children and these children can be protected under the aegis of their biological parents.

The research shows most of children from unmarried parents in the western counties are having a trouble to overcome catastrophic social problems and they are vulnerable to mental instability. The drought of emotional attachments and we-feeling is instigating children into becoming anti-social and pariah in the society as they grow without being nurtured by love and emotional -diets.

The sentimental crisis is more likely to be happened. The care and support can nurture the physiological mind of children. The love and affections are as important as nutritional food to them. The love can navigate the physiological mind trajectory of the growing children.

It is undeniable truth that house is the first school of all children. So when the environment in the house is ciaos owing to the family vendettas the children who are the part of family then suffer the ripple-effects of relationship that the parents are possessing in a real time.

This family quarrel and misunderstanding can be connected with the sensitivity of living together without being equipped with the ethics and principles of marriage. The marriage has tremendous courtesy and social morals which embrace the family with an emotional knot at where the value, respect and feeling can be felt and gripped tightly upon.

In a nutshell the both have cons and pros it is therefore wiser if we take step more sceptically when having to deal with these issues. The living after married life sounds socially and religiously appropriate and in some cases it largely strengthen and helps promote the family relation and values in such a way that cannot be washed away by the erosion of mistrust.

This is all because of the real deal and ultimate commitment for the moral –superiority and socially-high sounding values and dignities.
And in the same way the living together before married life is logical to get to know each other from the baseline of the relationship.

Living together provides the profound entrance and opportunity to know all the fine details of unofficial-partners who are willing to live together.
Therefore, living together provides the first hand information which ultimately turns out to be an asset to decision making process in order for sustaining a lifelong commitment and engineering the preview of future- skyscraper of life to what it must have been look like after getting married.

It rather makes couple even stronger to live a life without being morally and emotionally delusional.
But it would be more disastrous if the people just make this trend living together just to pass the time. In these days there is a hook up culture in the college and at workplaces among young people. It is good to the best of my knowledge to indulge with people after having known him or her from inside out. The university and workplace are the relationship-testing laboratories to where you can do the behavioural- surgery of your would-be partner and his or her reactions to the study and work and so many dealings and tactics for what your partner is genuinely after in order to maintain personality-hygiene.
When you come up with the idea about the would-be partner is approachable and then ask him or her to go for dating and do more debate and discussion which might give another direction to live together in an utmost harmonious possible manner.

If this works then to maintain the ultimate commitment marriage can be done. Now when you come up with the robust idea about someone pragmatically and strategically from the very beginning then I don’t think there would be any harm to live together with a full respect, honour and in-house attitude.

It is very important to make a conscientious decision before having to shacking up with someone because it helps to know the nitty-gritty and deep down personal stories of your partner. So depending on your social situation you have to speed up your process to live together.

As long as you are familiar with your partner in a physical reality or suffice to say in a real life then that would be fine to cultivate a notion to shack up with before actually getting partnered-up. But for the online relationship you should take your time and try to be more sceptical because the relationship that sprouts on the internet may not be the one you are truly after.

So chances are there to be wasted and strayed. When you have an affair with someone on the internet you should take your time and make sure to distil the vapour of doubts in the place where you are access to the public and other constabularies in your early dates. After having known a person you can go to the place where you find conducive environment. But do not get disguised by agreeing to go to the nook place for date over the sweet and sugar-coated words on the internet; you should strictly refuse for going out with someone in the place where there is no any access to people or community.

In this case without being accustomed to each other do not try to make a decision to live together.
After having achieved the corroborative evidences of your online friend you then can think about establishing a relationship with him or her not only strategically but emotionally too.
The problem with shacking up with person who is not well familiar is really perilous. To be able to move successfully in relation you have to go step by step and the day when you come to know person from the fathom of his or her heart then you can live together.

Having said this, there would not be any potential harm or hazard in living together with someone even without being married. The bedrock things that a person should get to know is, do not hastily make a decision over the night.

You need to be real and pragmatic with all possible approaches you make. You have to work and deal with the situation mindfully. This is to say, in order to live together with someone you need to go through the whole shebang of subtle-procedures which will surefootedly rescue you from any emotional and mental stresses when it comes to deal with the toughest time which may impede your life and beautiful glorious future unthinkably and inescapably.

Shiva Neupane is the author of four books; “In the Pursuit of Utopian Life in Australia”, Falang English Dictionary”, “My waves”, and “The Elixir of my voice”. He also contributes articles for The Himalayan Times and The Kathmandu post He can be contacted at: Shiva_neupane01@hotmail.com

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